Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Philly Lair - Feb '11 MG&S

My experience meeting the Philly Lair.

I rolled into DH Pub and looked around. It's busy here. Downstairs were a ton of people eating. I walked upstairs and saw more tables of diners. I wasn't sure if I was in the right place. I found a back bar upstairs and walked up to a couple guys. I said, "Is this..." They gave me a knowing look and said, "yeah."

I talked to them for a minute and looked around again. Everyone there 'looked' cool, but some of the guys were kinda 'off'. I asked who the main organizer was. They pointed him out and I went up and introduced myself. He was a really cool guy and I was a little shocked to see that he had his girlfriend there. He told me that she knows all about the group. I guess, since I'm so secretive about what I do, that I hadn't thought it could be any other way.

I shot the shit with him for a minute and then asked him who the best, most proficient guys were. He gave me a couple names and I went to talk to them.

One of the guys he pointed out was very friendly and had a cool style and vibe. Then I met a friend of his who was very excited and had the 'kid in a candy store' energy. Not so skilled, but he's got a lot of enthusiasm. It's either going to really help him or really hinder him.

After only a few minutes of assessing the social skills of the guys in the group, it became apparent to me that there was a large gap in experience and awareness. What I mean by this is that there are guys that are good and 'get it', and then there are guys that aren't good and don't even know they don't 'get it'. It's the concious/competence stages. I'm sure I'm somewhere in the middle, but everyone thinks they're better than they really are, including me.

I talked to another co-organizer who had a 'leader of men' aire about him. Just based on these short interactions, I can say with certainty that the organizers are of the few that 'get it'. As I was hanging with them, I saw a guy who 'owned the bar' with body language and was holding court with about 4 guys. The co-organizers said he was really good and they learned a lot from him. This was 'Garv'.

During one of the conversations in the Pub, I found myself talking fast and tripping on my words. I was nervous and kinda 'geeking out' a bit. I don't do that. It was a bit embarrassing because I'm usually much more composed, so I went out front for a smoke.

A few minutes later everyone (about 15 guys) came outside to go to the club. I went to Wawa for a Red Bull with a good-looking, well-dressed guy. He was a newb and asked me some questions that showed a serious lack of experience so I decided I wasn't going to wing with him. He was cool, and I have no problem winging with someone who needs some help, but that's not why I came out tonight.

I came out tonight to meet some pros. Or at least someone to show me the real potential of game. I've had a feeling for a while that there was something missing, some hidden ingredient that has eluded me. And dare I say it, I felt there was something wrong, or broken, with game as I understood it. I've been at the edge of an epiphany for a year now and I wanted... needed... a final push.

I walked with 'Well-Dressed' to the club, a half block behind the group, and found he was a really likeable person.

When we got there 'Well-Dressed' went in with everyone else. I'm not a herd animal. I'd rather walk in late and make a real entrance than be just another body. There was a guy from the group smoking on the sidewalk and I walked up and talked to him. He was a really chill guy. He just had a great laid-back vibe.

I introduced myself to 'Chill' and we talked about the group. Aside from his body language and demeanor, I knew he was good because he asked me, "What are your goals with all this?" He was feeling me out, wanted to know if I 'got it'. I was honest with him. I'm usually not. Maybe it was his vibe. Maybe I just needed a confidant.

Now, I thought 'Chill' was a chill guy, but then 'Garv' came out for a smoke and leaned against a railing next to us. He knew 'Chill' and was listening to our convo. I said to 'Garv'. "You've got the best body language of anyone I've ever seen. I noticed it at the Pub. No matter where you are you find something to lean against."

They laughed knowingly. Then 'Garv' schooled me on game. This guy is a pro. I'm not exaggerating. In 10 minutes of talking to him my mind was open to concepts that I hadn't even thought of. This is why I came out tonight. He critiqued my appearance and gave me some pointers. The few techniques he taught me I used the same night with phenomenal success (before I fucked up). Besides the tips, just being in his presence gave me a model to emulate. His 'cool' was deep to his core and really showed me how far I could take it. I don't mean to be praising anyone so much, but just trust me on this, he knew his shit and wasn't too cool to help someone.

We finished our cigarette's and headed inside. I wandered and introduced myself to a couple of the guys. Then I realized why I thought they were 'off'. They were scared. They gave me a look that said, "Why are you talking to me?" There were a couple small groups of guys huddled together for protection here and there. I kept going. Looking around I noticed it was a dick farm. A few girls here and there, but nothing I wanted to open. I checked out upstairs. Same thing. The 'kid in a candy store' guy was in set with three girls. He needed help, but I didn't know him or the dynamic, so I didn't go in. I should have. Turns out he needed the help and the girls were cute.

Overall I didn't see much that I wanted to open or could open. Back downstairs I ran into a guy from the group and mentioned that I wasn't really feeling the place because there weren't many sets. He said, with an attitude, "What are you talking about? There's a set there, one there, one there." I gave him a, "What the fuck are YOU on?" look and rolled off.

I ran into 'Chill' a couple feet away talking to three guys. They were looking at him like he had all the answers. I introduced myself to the group and got more of the same "why are you talking to me" looks. Then I asked 'Chill' if he wanted to go find some girls. He said, "Yeah" like I was offering him free weed. I guess the 'kids' were wearing him out. We went upstairs and scanned the area.

Not much. Then I saw a 2set and walked up. "You guys seem cool, are you friendly?"
The one said, "No." And with bad body language. I plowed anyway. It was the first set of the night so I wanted to milk it a bit. The other girl was shy but liked the attention. Her friend ruined it for her by being standoff-ish. I looked at 'Chill' and signaled him to come over. The mean girl kept giving shit, so we threw 'em back in the water.

We hung out a minute and I saw a group of really cute girls coming up the stairs. I moved toward them, but it became really crowded and so many people were moving in different directions that it wasn't conducive for starting conversations.

A little upset about the environment, I vented to 'Chill' and told him what the guy said earlier ("there's a set here, a set there"). I speculated that it was approach anxiety that was getting me down. 'Chill' verbalized what I was thinking earlier. There really weren't many viable sets. One of the sets the guy earlier pointed out was a family party of some sort. 'Chill' said it would have shown a great lack of social calibration to open them. He also said if they really were available sets, then why wasn't he opening them? Then he asked me if I thought any of the girl were good looking. I thought for a moment, and then said, "No." He said, "Then why open them?"

I think 'Chill' was hanging with me because I wasn't a knucklehead and showed some initiative/courage with opening. There were plenty of people he could have winged with but he stuck with me.

We went outside for a smoke. I saw a girl by herself at a table and opened by asking for a light. She said, "Sure." I lit my cigarette and her girl friend came over and started some drama. The girl I opened started crying and I walked away.

'Chill' and I sat and talked. I said, "You want to go to a party tonight?"

He said, "You don't have to ask me twice."

To be continued in "Party in University City"

After Action Review:
The Philly Lair was everything I thought it would be. It was a great experience meeting the organizers and members.

If you want to take your game to another level, overcome some obsacles, meet some new wings, and make new friends, definitely come to the meetups.

If you want some one on one time with a local pro, 'Garv' actually does workshops. I learned a ton after only 10 minutes and his workshops are hours, so I can only imagine how far it could take you. Several of the organizers took his workshop and recommend him. His price is extremely fair, so if you want to get on the fast track, give him a shout. I do not know him personally and do not benefit from endorsing him. It is only for your benefit that I mention him.

Good luck, and I'll see you at the next meetup... which is tonight.

1 comment:

  1. Interesting, for the last few weeks I read a few post from your blog and wanted to get in touch with you to inquire about any local Philly groups / coaches you might possibly recommend... Last week I scheduled a call with Garvelous and today I stumbled over this post while googling for Philadelphia lair... This is probably the first comment about Garvelous I stumbled over online.