Wednesday, May 8, 2013

OkCupid Game 1

Why the fuck am I on OkCupid?! Because I have too much free time at work and I like fucking with people. I won't give you my whole profile. It basically says I'm a musician and an asshole, take it or leave it.

Ten seconds after posting:
I just read your summary and literally laughed out loud haha
You're welcome
Btw, I'm not saying your summary is lame (unless you're a big Lion King fan), but it is terse. Your second picture is your best. It radiates personality and should totally be your profile picture. And I don't know what's going on in the fourth but at least it's not another skydiving pic
Uhm thanks I think? Honestly I'm not on here to meet people. Long story short I was busting on my friend cause she had a bad experience with someone she met on here and she told me to download it so I did to see what it was all about but I didn't wanna take a long time to write up some whole summary cause the chances of me actually wanting to meet someone on here are slim. But I appreciate the constructive criticism?
Can't fool me kid. You got four pictures and are messaging people. You're in luck though cuz you found the coolest guy on here. Did you see my loser 'competition'? No wonder your friend had problems.
Haha whatever you say sweetheart.
I'm glad you agree. So anyway, since you're shy when it comes to writing profiles, what do you have going on besides a pretty face?
Well I'm very determined headstrong. I love to make people laugh. Fashion and art are huge to me. I have a clothing line. I have the personality of a five year old pretty much. I'm extremely independent and love to travel. I have dual citizenship with the UK.
You listed 'personality of a five year old' as an assett: +5 points. Why is fashion and art important to you?
Blah blah more qualifying

(finally got her number after another 10 exchanges, haven't met up yet, too busy)


Chick I met while shopping. The best is at the end if you can get to it.

Her: What time y'all going up there
Me: Hey stalker, 11pm
Her: lol cool beans
Her: stalker has a name by the way
Her: Where you from?
Me: Heaven, goof
Her: Love it!!!
Her: Are you really coming out, Kind of hurricane weather lol
Me: What you gonna melt?
Her: meet at barns or elsewhere?
Me: Blammo
Her: What?
Me: Right
Her: I'll text you when I'm up there lol

Her: You're never home lol
Her: Don't you ever throw house parties or just order in and drink at home?
Me: When it occurs to me
Her: Oh...
Her: (sent a pic of Betty White with quote "Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!")
Me: Thought it was gonna be a pic of you
Her: You never asked... but be mindful because I'm fair
Me: Ok, hit me
Her: Do you have something equal? Or better yet... we can forget pics and just go to your place to chill next time lol
Me: Equal, no. better (I can't have her at my place, can't say why)
Her: (sent sexy pic of her in bra)
Her: You're turn
(I sent no picture)

Her: Where've you been staying
Me: Why you gonna stalk me more
Her: lol nah just trying to have some fun :)
Me: Is the anticipation killing you
Her: Mhmmmm
Me: You want to come over thurs
Her: I can't on Thursday that's my ******
Her: How's weekend
Me: Only other option is Fri
Her: No I'm babysitting at my aunts... I don't understand the "only other option" part ... are you never home?
Me: I'll never be home again, this week or never
Her: I'm confused that's weird ... I'm sry I'm not able on those days
Me: How late will your thing be going on
Her: Till probly 11ish
Me: Ok, come over after
Her: Ok, friday then
Her: wait... wait why is this my only option do you have other girls lined up
Me: your top of the list that's out of fifty so you know it means something
Her: Ew... That's gross Lol
Her: Why is this the only time though
Me: You know I have baggage
Her: Maybe I was wrong... messing around isn't a good idea... I mean you are gorgeous but I'm not looking for a one nighter... I date... Not bang and leave... It's not my style
Me: You can still date and hang out with me I don't judge, I'm probably one of the few people you'll find that you can relax and open up and be yourself around, I know you want to see me, I'll be up anyway you can come over and watch a movie, we're both adults we'll do whatever we're comfortable with
Her: You're right sorry I over think sometimes
Her: I'll come on Friday :)
Me: cool

NEW Text Game

I've been slackin' in the posting dept. Now, inspired by Aspies linking to old posts, my passion for pick-up prose has been piqued. First post in over a year! This one has to be good.

Friday Night.
I was hanging out with my bro and his friend who is a tall attractive guy. The tall guy has one-itis and is just bringing the vibe down. My bro is inexperienced. Those two were chatting up some heffers they're friends with. I just teased 'em all and tried to get the tall guy to talk to some cute girls with me. I pointed out a tall redhead and a short black-haired girl at the bar ten feet away.
Tall guy says, "what the JAP"
Me:"what do you mean JAP"
Him:"jewish american princess"
I didn't realize how low his vibe was until this point. To judge a cute girl like that, one you haven't even talked to, as inferior based on a glance is clearly sour grapes.
Then a good looking (thin) girl joined our group. I decided I'd stay a little longer. I start chatting up the thin girl. She says, "they warned me about you." One of the fat girls turns around and says, "yeah I told her you were a douche." Thanks, you made it a lot easier on me. Seriously, now I know she would have been a time waster.
I calmly took my drink and walked away, didn't say anything. I walked by a couple guys I met earlier and said, "cheers." Then noticed the redhead was by herself so I approached. (I would have approached if the black-haired girl were there, too, but I might have hesitated a bit, no hesitation when they're by themselves for some reason)
Me: "you look like you're having more fun than anyone here"
BOOM it opens and we talk for a while until her friend comes back. Her friend came back and they both start qualifying to me, the redhead getting obviously annoyed when the black-haired girl got my attention. When they were laughing the loudest I happened to glance toward the heffers and caught their caustic eye. I have to say it felt good. A few minutes later I bounced the three of us to another bar two blocks away. A half hour later my brother joined us.

Text Game:
Her: Dear Bradley Cooper, thanks for hanging out with us tonight, let me know when you want to get together again and discuss morning TV
Me: You making me breakfast?
Her: As long as we can watch Charles Osgood?? Anytime
Me: Just got home, was great meeting you, made my night
Her: Good morning, thank you, you made my night as well
Me: Hey how was your weekend
Her: It was good, I visited my nieces on Saturday, how was the rest of your weekend? How did the gig go on Saturday?
Me: Saturday was great, still tired, rest of my weekend was work, I need a break
Her: I need a break too, the *** are driving me nuts
Me: I suspect you already were
Her: Already taking a break?
Me: Had two miller lite so far so yeah then it's back to work
Her: You're back to work tonight? Do you just work constantly?
Her: I'm fascinated by your guitar playing, **** selling life :)
Me: I like that you are
Her: Are we going to hang out sometime?
Me: What you got in mind
Her: Well your life seems to be busier than mine, so you tell me your thoughts
Me: They're all dirty you sure
Her: Hahahaha yes I'm sure
Her: Going on a run while it's raining and muddy? That would get pretty dirty
Me: I'm free sat we should hang out then, bring your running shoes
Her: I might be in DC but I might be coming back Sat afternoon... how do you feel about margaritas?
Me: Depends on what they're wearing
Me: What's the over under on the 'might'
Her: It's about 70 percent coming back, 30 percent staying... I need to discuss with my girls
Her: I'm not good at 'over/under'... I'm better with percents
Me: Good thing you got in public education you'da made a lousy bookie
Me: When will you know your availability
Her: Probably within the next 2 days, do you have a wait list of girls wanting to hang out with you this weekend?
Me: You're at the top, that's out of fifty so you know it means something
Her: Haha okay well then I will definitely let you know about Saturday soon so if need be, you can contact #2 on the list
Me: You are so sweet
Her: The sweetest... so what are we going to do? Are you going to travel up here?
Me: Yeah I'll be up there
Her: Saturday is looking promising, we are at 80% coming back, 20% staying
Me: Hmmm
Her: Hmmm what?
Me: 80% such a tease
Her: Haha actually the debate right now between the friends is whether or not we're going to go for Friday or pick another weekend, so yes I'll be here Saturday
Her: So if you want to get together, I'm free Saturday night
Me: Yeah for real, I'm not 80% like some people I know
Her: Well now I'm 100% and give me a break, tomorrow's my birthday

I'll update after I see her this Saturday.